Late twenties is the age where usually people would like to do so many things but then everything is uncertain. The age where the soul is full of energy and also the last phase of being 'young'. Of course for being young, age is just a number and doesn't have limit but late twenties is the phase where people are 'actually' young, super enthusiastic and beautiful like a fully bloomed flower ready to move into the next phase of becoming a fruit.
So when it comes to my life. What is the fruit ? What do I need ? What will make me happy ? What am I looking for ? These questions keep running in my mind.
I have never been afraid of my future to this extent. 'Afraid' is not the right word to use, rather 'anxious'? Yes, may be I'm super anxious about my future.
I feel that this is the most confusing time of my life where I'm not in a position to make my life decisions. I'm not sure of what to pursue. It's not that I'm 'indecisive' but, I feel that the decision that I make during this part of my life matters the most. It will shape how the rest of my life would be and thus I want to do it right.
Is it normal to question 'what am I doing with my life, even in my favorite country?'. I decided to be in Japan, I wanted this badly. Of course, I'm super grateful that I was able to reach here. But still sometimes I feel void. Few weeks back, when I was travelling across the country side of Matsumoto and gazing at the beautiful golden sky, the first thing that popped in my head was "Being born in Chennai, what am I doing here in this Matsumoto? I have traveled far! But I want to go farther". By 'farther I do not mean the physical distance.
I always wonder how different every girl's life will be in their late twenties. I have my own version then there are others-few people pursue studies abroad, some are entrepreneurs, some get married and few have kids as well. Each one's life would have taken a different path till now and their perspective towards life will be entirely different.
From my perspective, it has been an amazing journey 'so far'. I'm 26 now. An year back, I had moved to a new country and started living on my own. I realized that living alone is not as easy as it seems! It takes so much courage to do that. I remember that when I was choosing the college for undergraduate program, my parents didn't want me stay away from them. Even though my elder sister pursued both undergraduate and postgraduate outside of my hometown Chennai and was living in hostel, my parents pampered me a lot as I was the youngest child and they thought that it would be difficult to live on my own.
Being such a child, I wonder how am I able to live alone now. I don't even know to cook when I came to Japan. I just learned everything on the go by myself. I set up my own house. I bought things on my own. I walked for so many kilometers during the initial days for setting up my home. Of course, I do have few good friends here who care for me, feed me and check on me but at the end of the day, I'm in solitary in a box sized Tokyo house. But I feel that this experience is absolutely necessary to understand the world. Like the saying goes that the ship is the safest in the harbor but the purpose of the ship is not to stay there.
Also the biggest boon for me in my late twenties and living on my own is that I have the utmost freedom of my life. I decide things for myself, right from what I eat, what I wear till where I go or what I do. To be precise I'm the only person who have control over me. Adding to it, I love the freedom to travel. I have developed an interest towards solo trips, I started to enjoy my own company. As long as I'm healthy and safe, my family is happy too about my choices. Also, I'm pretty content with how my career has shaped up till now and how independent I have become at my late twenties.
But the biggest downside is that there are so few external things that affect and annoys me even if I try to stay sane. Like a group of people who are super interested in why I was putting on weight or why I'm not married yet or why I didn't have a boyfriend or how I'm living alone and the list goes on. All desi stuff.(Trust me, these are some practical problems a 26 year girl would face :P )
And how could I forget this never ending pandemic? I wanted to meet my best friend Balarupini this year, but couldn't. It's been a long time, since I visited my family. I wanted to decide on my next step of career but due to this pandemic, everything seems to be stuck. I feel that the days are flying but I'm just stuck at one place and my life is at pause.
All these made me to feel that 'late twenties' phase is very confusing. I sometimes feel that I'm having the best time of my life and at the same time, I just feel void as well. Sometimes it is so clear what I want in life and at times I'm super blank. I'm not sure how to put into words. Am I the only one who feels this way ?
There were a number of thoughts like these running within me. Is this the most difficult phase of life? Then I imagined how life will be in 30's, 40's and 50's and so on.
Something hit me up! I realized that every phase of life will be challenging in it's own way. Raising a child might be a challenging responsibility, later comes the health as a challenge, financial stability as a challenge and so on.
So, I told myself that every stage of life has its own challenge! But the faith, hope and the small sweet moments which become beautiful memories in these challenging phases matters the most. The grass is always greener on the other side but learning to live the moment is the key. I believe that everything will make sense when the right time comes and just need to go with the flow.
Hmm.. What made me to write this philosophical post?
Ah.. 'late twenties' is funny !
yet Interesting :)
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